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Well, it is around 12:20 A.M. And I am already fairly sure this will be a restless night. It’s one of those nights that I insist on listening to music that brings me back to some of the best, and worst moments of my life.

The thing is, I know exactly what awaits me when I choose to listen to that playlist. I fell in love with these songs in the background. I was in firefights while these songs were blasting. I was successful and awarded while those songs were in my head. I miss loved ones who are long gone to this soundtrack.

Why do I subject myself to it all? Because at least I know that when those songs are playing that I am not living in this exact moment (this moment consists of anxiety, stress, and no sleeping). While I don’t necessarily enjoy being brought back to the battlefield, at least there I was surrounded by non-genetic brothers who would literally lay their life down in order to save mine. There I am not alone. Same goes for when Weezer’s Only in Dreams comes on and I am all of the sudden slow dancing with my ex. If only for a moment I can relive a time where I was the happiest…

I love and hate that music can transport me to the best and worst times of my life. I suppose I need to begin a new soundtrack to my life… Starting tomorrow, hopefully after getting even a couple hours of sleep.

Who knows…

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